So I recently started reading ’50 shades of grey’. I knew it was shit before starting but curiosity made me do it anyway.
***SPOILERS AHEAD***
I’ll treat this page by page because it’s funny.
Front cover: the author signs ‘EL James’. Not ‘E.L.’, but ‘EL’. It’s like she’s called ‘THE James’.
page 4: ‘blue eyes too big for her face’ – right.
page 6: her name is Anastasia Steele. Why is this so iritating?
page 7: She falls in his office. Does that seem familiar? We have an insecure, clumsy student with a dumb name and no aspirations whatsoever and a stalking, mysterious, rich, beautiful man.
page 9: ‘trailing his long index finger along his lips‘
page 12: ‘his penetrating gaze‘.
page 14: ‘penetrating gaze’
page 16: ‘his long index finger pressed the button’. By this time I’m quite tempted to give this up.
Chapter 2: EL James tries to introduce some of Ana’s family and friends. Tries. It’s forced and out of context. Naturally, she has a friend that’s not Caucasian. He is named Jose and naturally has a crush on Ana. (TWILIGHT MUCH?)
page 26: ‘from a very tiny, underused part of my brain – probably located at the base of my medulla oblongata near where my subconscious dwells’. What?! Also, Grey show up at her workplace. Stalker much?
page 28: ‘his long index finger‘
page 28: ‘I must be the color of the Communist Manifesto’
page 30: another male figure shows up. Surprise: he also has a crush on Ana.
page 35: ‘his sphinxlike smile’
page 35: he is staying at he HEATHMAN Hotel in Portland.
page 37: all men around Ana seem to become aggressive when they meet each other.
page 39: ‘dazzling, unguarded, natural, all-teeth-showing, glorious smile’. I call this bad writing.
page 43: ‘It gives me a some sort of clue what you might be thinking’ he breathes. ‘You’re a mystery, Miss Steele‘. Oh my God.
page 47: ‘running his long index finger across his lower lip’
page 48: She trips and almost falls on the street. He catches her and holds her against his chest. *rolls eyes*
Chapter Four: “Anastasia, you should steer clear of me. I’m not the man for you“. I laughed out loud at this.